Leaving an abusive partner and home can be a challenging and overwhelming process. It is important to prioritise your safety and the safety of your children. As someone who has personally experienced and navigated similar challenges, I understand the intense emotions and sense of urgency that come with leaving an abusive home, especially as a mother. The overwhelming feeling of being in fight or flight mode, hastily gathering your belongings with the uncertainty of ever returning, can be terrifying and distressing. In such moments, every second counts, and the presence of a child adds an extra layer of concern.
In this blog post I’ve put together a checklist of important documents and items to consider taking with you when escaping an abusive situation. I hope the list of essentials I have compiled can provide some support and guidance during this difficult time. It is crucial to emphasise that for those currently facing abuse at home, whether as a mother or not, seeking professional help is paramount. Support and guidance from domestic abuse organisations can be invaluable when it feels like your world has shattered into pieces.
Only get these items if it is safe to do so:
1. Identification Documents:
- Driver's license
- Passport
- National Insurance number
- Birth certificates (for yourself and your children)
- Marriage certificate (if applicable)
2. Financial Documents:
- Bank account information (account numbers, statements)
- Credit cards and statements
- Wage slips or proof of income
- Tax returns
- Any documentation related to joint assets or debts
3. Legal Documents:
- Restraining order (if obtained)
- Copies of any court orders related to custody, visitation, or child support
- Divorce or separation papers (if applicable)
- Any documentation related to previous incidents of abuse or police reports
4. Medical/Health Documents:
- Prescription medications (for yourself and your children)
- Immunisation records (for your children)
- Any medical records or documentation of injuries caused by abuse
5. Financial Resources:
- Cash or emergency funds
- Debit or credit cards
- Important contact numbers for financial institutions
6. Personal Items:
- Clothing and personal hygiene items for yourself and your children
- Comfort items for your children (favourite toys, blankets, etc.)
- Important sentimental items or family heirlooms
7. Communication and Technology:
- Mobile phone and charger
- Important contact numbers (family, friends, support services)
- Any evidence of abuse (photos, text messages)
8. Support and Resources:
- Contact information for local domestic violence shelters or organisations
- Emergency hotline numbers (domestic violence hotlines, police, etc.)
- List of trusted friends or family members who can provide support
In the midst of leaving an abusive situation, the safety and well-being of yourself, your children, and even your pets, if you have them, must be the top priority. If it is not safe to gather these items, focus on getting to a safe location. In the worst-case scenario, leaving with just the clothes on your back may be the only option, and if that's what it takes to escape, then it is the right decision. However, it is crucial to have a plan in place. Knowing where you are headed – whether it be to the police, a domestic abuse organisation, a trusted friend's home, or a safe shelter – is essential. Take the time to assess the reliability and trustworthiness of those offering assistance, ensuring that your journey to safety is as secure and supported as possible. Remember, you are not alone, and you can reach out to local domestic violence organisations for guidance and support in navigating this process.
Need help now? Contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline FREE, 24/7 on
0808 2000 247 or visit https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
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